Yami no YUGIOH
by Mistress of odd pairings
Summary: (one shot) Muraki and Hisoka sit down to teach Tsuzuki how to play duel monsters, but will he ever win? this is a cross over with YU-GI-OH. sweat drop i hope i'm not the only one around here who watches that anime too. please review.


A/n: okay---I don't think anyone has done it yet and I don't do crossovers but for this I did! This is just a weird comedy I thought up while playing Yu-gi-oh with CharmedWriter_3---and I have to give her credit for this one! (I'm such a bad inu) I am Tsuzuki. (Hence the name Tsuzuki 2001) all the characters are ooc. Sorry, just felt like it. Muraki's keeping in line. (-- -) Means a pause in dialog and the roses separate my paragraphs.  
  
Yami no Yu-gi-oh  
  
Tsuzuki stared at the odd deck of cards he'd never seen before, and then looked up at Muraki who had more of them.  
  
He stared blankly at them.  
  
"Nani?"  
  
Muraki smiled at His naivety and began to shuffle.  
  
"I'll teach you how to play."  
  
Tsuzuki swallowed and began to shuffle his deck.  
  
"Who the jigoku is this Yugi Mutou you said you lifted these from?"  
  
Muraki chuckled and shook his head.  
  
"Never mind. Just start reading the rule book and we'll---"  
  
He was cut off as Hisoka grabbed his collar and pulled him out of the chair.  
  
"Oh no you don't! You'll teach him how to cheat!"  
  
Muraki just stood there as Tsuzuki looked up at Hisoka.  
  
"Okay this gets weirder by the minute---you know how to play?"  
  
Hisoka sat down across from Tsuzuki and took his deck, handing his own to him.  
  
"Yup! It's a fun game. Particularly when I kick his a---"  
  
Muraki put his hand over Hisoka's mouth.  
  
"This is a clean fic Hisoka."  
  
Tsuzuki looked up at him.  
  
"But I said h---"  
  
Muraki put his other hand over Tsuzuki's mouth.  
  
"Ya I know you did, I just didn't catch it! Besides you were playing with me---I'm a grown up. Now you're playing with a kid, it's different."  
  
Hisoka glared.  
  
"I'm not a kid!"  
  
Muraki grinned.  
  
"Prove it!"  
  
Hisoka stood and grabbed Muraki's collar again.  
  
"Bring on the beer!"  
  
Muraki laughed and walked away.  
  
Hisoka sat down again and finished shuffling the deck then handed it back to Tsuzuki who handed his deck back to Hisoka.  
  
"Now I'll teach you how to play fairly. Then Muraki can mess with your head all he wants."  
  
And so the learning commenced.  
  
@'------------------------------------------------------------------------- -----------------------------  
  
After two hours Tsuzuki had finally gotten the hang of it.  
  
"NANI!? Not again!"  
  
Hisoka chuckled and finished writing the scores.  
  
"You loose by negative1,350 points. How are you arranging your deck?"  
  
Tsuzuki whimpered and turned inu, looking at his cards.  
  
"Well first I tried it by how powerful they were and you kicked my a---"  
  
Muraki stuffed a chocolate into his mouth as he returned. He set a box of chocolates on the table and pulled six cans of *root beer* out of his jacket, also setting them on the table.  
  
Hisoka looked up and glared at him.  
  
"What's this? I asked for beer."  
  
Tsuzuki and Muraki exchanged glances and chuckled.  
  
"You're only sixteen Hisoka---and you're not old enough to drink yet."  
  
Tsuzuki piped up with a smirk.  
  
"Ya and just one half glass of saki knocked you out cold for the night!"  
  
Hisoka turned bright red remembering that.  
  
"That's only because I downed it and what do you mean I'm sixteen! I've been dead for two hundred years!"  
  
Tsuzuki grimaced at a sudden thought.  
  
"That means I'm three hundred and something! I'm such an old man!"  
  
Muraki laughed.  
  
"I'm the youngest out of all of you! Ha ha ha! I'm only a hundred and eighty!"  
  
(Tsuzuki Hisoka sweat drop.)  
  
"And you only look that good still because we killed you mercifully."  
  
Muraki grinned.  
  
"I still have my charm."  
  
Tsuzuki rolled his eyes as another duel began.  
  
@-------------------------------------------------------------------------- -----------------------------  
  
" That's just pathetic Tsuzuki. You didn't even touch me!"  
  
Tsuzuki looked at the score sheet with a yelp.  
  
"NANI?! That's not fare! I don't like this game."  
  
Muraki patted his shoulder as Hisoka began laughing.  
  
" It's okay, you've only played---(looks at the six pages of score sheets with three games on each)---you're pathetic."  
  
Tsuzuki looked up with hurt puppy eyes.  
  
"You're supposed to be on my side!"  
  
Muraki grinned.  
  
"I am on your side---that's just pathetic!"  
  
Hisoka was nearly in tears now laughing so hard.  
  
"God it's easy to beat you! What are you doing, going by attack points? I've blown you away by THOUSANDS of points and you don't even touch me! Ha how the mighty hath fallen! It's a good thing we aren't gambling or you'd have lost your house by the third game!"  
  
Muraki sat on the floor next to the distraught inu and took his deck.  
  
"Here, I'll stack your deck for you and we'll see if you win any easier."  
  
Hisoka rolled his eyes.  
  
" Not even that will help him!"  
  
Muraki gave a look that sent chills through Hisoka.  
  
"Shall we make a bet of it?"  
  
Hisoka stared at him.  
  
"What kind of bet?"  
  
Muraki smirked and tilted his head to the left.  
  
"Looser cooks for a week."  
  
Hisoka's eyes narrowed and he nodded.  
  
He suddenly looked horrified and blushed.  
  
"If you win I cook dinner, if I win---you cook dinner---and I'm praying I lose!"  
  
Tsuzuki tuned inu.  
  
" Goodie! I hope you loose too! You're the best cook!"  
  
Both Muraki and Hisoka began laughing.  
  
Muraki looked over the cards and spoke in a quiet voice.  
  
"I hope you win just to show him I have a better beck---(suddenly bursts into tears) but I can't stand your cooking!"  
  
Tsuzuki patted his back.  
  
"I'm sure he'll win Muraki chan."  
  
Muraki looked down at the cards in his hand and sweat dropped.  
  
"Uh, Tsuzuki---why don't I see any good cards? Have you been picking them from how they look?"  
  
Tsuzuki sat next to Muraki on the ground and pushed the chair up.  
  
"Ya---I love this one---she's pretty! Oh and I love her hair, and her eyes, and he reminds me of Byoko in a purple wizard suit and---"  
  
Muraki smacked him over the head.  
  
"Baka! You don't get them from the way they look! See these numbers in the bottom of the card---you're supposed to look for these!"  
  
Tsuzuki smiled suddenly.  
  
"Oh! Okay I get it!"  
  
Hisoka face faulted and stared at Tsuzuki with a look of death.  
  
"You're not serious! You've been picking your cards by how pretty they are?!"  
  
Tsuzuki laughed and climbed back into his chair.  
  
"Ya! What can I say, I'm a sucker for a pretty face!"  
  
Muraki and Hisoka both yelled in unison.  
  
"THEY'RE ANIMATED CARDS! NOT REAL PEOPLE!"  
  
Tsuzuki took his five cards and stared at them.  
  
"Okay okay! Let's just get this over with!"  
  
@-------------------------------------------------------------------------- -----------------------------  
  
Hisoka held up the tenth piece of paper and laughed so hard his face turned red.  
  
"Negative 3,535 to POSITIVE 9,000. Not only did you not touch me in the first place---I gave myself a point boost right after you did!"  
  
Muraki rubbed his forehead as he watched Tsuzuki pick the worst cards from the two hundred fifty five he had lifted from Yugi, Kaiba, and Joey, plus a few nine packs he had bought.  
  
"Tsuzuki---let's try something shall we?"  
  
Tsuzuki looked up.  
  
"Sure what?"  
  
The doctor looked up at Hisoka's deck with a sly smile.  
  
Hisoka caught the look and shook his head violently, hiding his cards under his hands.  
  
"No way! Not a chance in h---"  
  
He smacked Muraki's hand away.  
  
"Not a chance in heck! So there I wasn't gonna say it!"  
  
Muraki rolled his eyes and held his hand out.  
  
Hisoka glared at him.  
  
"It's my deck! Not yours! I bought these with my own money! No way!"  
  
Muraki closed his eyes and shook his head, hand still outstretched.  
  
"It's only for one round Hisoka. Give me the cards."  
  
He shook his head and stood, clutching the cards in both hands.  
  
"He'll bend them! I have a thirty-five dollar holofoil card in here!"  
  
Muraki laughed and took a step forward, which was mirrored by Hisoka's step back.  
  
"Give me the cards. I'll shuffle them."  
  
Hisoka thought for a minute then retreated even farther away.  
  
"If you know what cards I have you'll cheat and beat me!"  
  
Without warning Muraki lunged forward to grab the deck but only succeeded in tripping over a cd player on the floor and fell face first at Hisoka's feet.  
  
There was a deadly silence as Muraki stood.  
  
His face was dark and for half a second Hisoka thought they were both done for.  
  
Suddenly he took a deep breath and kicked the CD player across the room.  
  
"Don't leave toys out!"  
  
He turned to the table to see a shaking inu with his paws over his ears.  
  
"---TSUZUKI!"  
  
Straightening his jacket he turned back to Hisoka and held out his hand.  
  
"Now---the deck if you please."  
  
Hisoka whimpered and held out the deck.  
  
Muraki took a hold of one end as Hisoka still held the other and tugged.  
  
"Hisoka---let go."  
  
Hisoka shook his head.  
  
"I'm sorry I can't! Just take them! Do it before I fight you!"  
  
Muraki pulled one card at a time until he had all of them, and walked back over next to Tsuzuki.  
  
Hisoka took his seat and guzzled his full can of root beer.  
  
He took Tsuzuki's cards (all two-hundred fifty-five) and began picking his deck.  
  
@'------------------------------------------------------------------------- -----------------------------  
  
Hisoka wrote down the last score and sat there in disbelief.  
  
"You almost beat me Tsuzuki---now give me my cards back!"  
  
Tsuzuki sat looking rather bummed as he read the score.  
  
" Oh boy, I'm still in the negative by over 2000 points, you still have 1,500 and you used the Blue Eyes White Dragon on me! I love that card and it beat me!"  
  
Suddenly every one was blown off their feet by a blast of energy.  
  
A tall figure with spiky black and blond hair stood there.  
  
Muraki hid behind Tsuzuki as he stood.  
  
"Oh god I've ticked him off! Hide me!"  
  
Hisoka smiled suddenly.  
  
"I, Hisoka Kurosaki, challenge you to a duel! I know the rules and I have my own cards!"  
  
Tsuzuki looked confused.  
  
" Who are you?"  
  
Yami Yugi stood there with his arms crossed, cape billowing with his energy.  
  
" I am Yami Yugi, or Yu-gi-oh! King of games!"  
  
Hisoka grinned and walked up to him.  
  
Yugi thought he was going to shake his hand to start the duel but instead he pulled a photo of the game king, and a pen from his jacket and turned chibi.  
  
"Before we start the duel can I get your autograph!?"  
  
Yugi sweat dropped and signed the photo, then handed it back to a beaming Hisoka who ran off.  
  
Yugi glared at Muraki.  
  
"When I'm done kicking his a---"  
  
Tsuzuki put his hand over Yugi's moth.  
  
"It's a clean fic Yugi! We're not allowed to say that!"  
  
Yugi double sweat dropped.  
  
"What ever. When I'm done beating him I'll take pleasure in destroying your own deck and keeping it."  
  
Tsuzuki turned to Muraki.  
  
"How did you get all three decks? And I thought you didn't have one."  
  
Muraki began sweating and loosened his tie.  
  
"Uh, well you see---I uh, it's like this!"  
  
Yugi took a step forward.  
  
"He dueled me and Kaiba at once so his little long haired friend could steal Joey's deck, then he drugged us and stole our decks as well!"  
  
Muraki cleared his throat and stood tall.  
  
"Not all of those are yours you know! I did buy three nine packs. There are two White Dragons in there and one is mine!"  
  
Hisoka returned with hearts in his eyes.  
  
" I love this game! If I weren't dead I'd be a duelist! Let's play---I believe in the heart of the cards!"  
  
(Muraki, Tsuzuki, Yugi triple sweat drop while Hisoka dances over to his cards.)  
  
And so the big duel began.  
  
@'------------------------------------------------------------------------- -----------------------------  
  
"Oh, what a drag! Well, can't argue with the king of games! I love your anime! Thanks so much for the photo!"  
  
Hisoka lost by an even zero and walked into the house to cry, muttering to himself about loosing to his idol.  
  
Muraki slunk into the chair under the overpowering stare of his opponent.  
  
"Ready to fall---Doctor?"  
  
Muraki whimpered and nodded.  
  
The game commenced with Tsuzuki looking on in aw at the points flying away on both sides.  
  
Hisoka returned with bloodshot eyes and sat across from Tsuzuki.  
  
Muraki slammed a card down.  
  
"Black hole! Clear the field!"  
  
Yugi turned over another card.  
  
"De-spell! Black hole goes to the graveyard!"  
  
Muraki drew a card and smirked.  
  
"1000 direct attack to your life points!"  
  
Yugi glared and jotted it down.  
  
He drew a card.  
  
"I play this face down on the battle field."  
  
Muraki also drew a card and placed it face down.  
  
"I play this face down as well and I attack your face down card with my Blue Eyes."  
  
Yugi turned over the dark magician and smirked.  
  
"Don't think so, three hundred damage to your life points! Which brings you to negative two hundred fifty"  
  
Muraki stood, slamming his cards on the table and turned bright red in anger.  
  
"NANI! WHAT THE H---"  
  
Tsuzuki and Hisoka put their hand over his mouth and said in unison.  
  
"This is a clean fic Muraki!"  
  
Yugi blinked a few times as he stared at them.  
  
"If no one else would like to duel I'll take my cards and leave."  
  
Tsuzuki stood and slammed his fist on the table.  
  
"I Asato Tsuzuki, Challenge you to a duel! Winner takes all!"  
  
Yugi thought for a minute then nodded.  
  
"Alright---lets duel!"  
  
@'------------------------------------------------------------------------- -----------------------------  
  
Yami Yugi squealed like a little girl as he totaled out the last score.  
  
"Nani!?"  
  
Tsuzuki blinked as Yugi fell out of the chair with dizzy eyes.  
  
(Hisoka, Muraki sweat drop)  
  
Hisoka looked over at Muraki.  
  
"We should have seen that coming."  
  
Muraki nodded.  
  
"It's always the weak ones isn't it?"  
  
(Muraki, Hisoka, sigh)  
  
Tsuzuki just sat there blinking in total shock.  
  
Hisoka looked over the score sheet and Muraki leaned over his shoulder.  
  
(Mathematical signs appear behind them as they recalculate the score over and over again.)  
  
Tsuzuki looked up out of his stupor and began laughing hysterically.  
  
"I won with 7,000 points and he lost by negative 3,000!"  
  
He stood and threw the deck in the air.  
  
Cards dropped all around him as he stood with one arm raised and his hand on his hip.  
  
"I _ AM _ THE _ KING _ OF _ GAMES! HAND OVER THE PUZZLE YUGI BOY!"  
  
Yugi was still re-cooperating from the loss as he sat up.  
  
(I'm---I'm---(bursts into tears) I'm an indentured servant to a kid! I'm four thousand years old and have never lost a game!"  
  
@'------------------------------------------------------------------------- -----------------------------  
  
At seven the next morning, Tsuzuki and the rest of the shinigami sat in the conference room at the table.  
  
Yugi walked in wearing a butler outfit and apron, carrying a tray of plates.  
  
"Breakfast is ready--- (grinds teeth) master."  
  
Muraki looked up and smiled.  
  
"Good morning Yugi. My rare stake should be the first plate out."  
  
Yugi nodded, still grinding his teeth together, and set the plate in front of him.  
  
After her had emptied the tray and began to walk back into the kitchen for the rest of the food, Wakaba stood.  
  
(Glomp)  
  
" Can I help? Please Yugi chan!"  
  
(Yugi cringe, then turn with a smile)  
  
"Sure Wakaba san!"  
  
Wakaba holds tightly to Yugi as he walks out of the kitchen.  
  
"Thanks for the birthday present Tsuzuki chan!"  
  
Yugi nearly falls over.  
  
"I can't believe I'm going to have to put up with two teenagers and a bunch of old men or three hundred years!"  
  
Wakaba just held tighter with a smile.  
  
"I love my present! He's sooo cute!  
  
@'------------------------------------------------------------------------- -----------------------------  
  
The end.  
  
Okay, I know that was weird and I know they were ooc, but that's because I wanted to! Lol my second comedy attempt. Also my first ever cross over. Ja ne! 


End file.
